I know, it’s impressive, I’m nearly 40 years old and I still have Grandparents living. But today my Grandpa died.
He was my Mom’s Step Dad, but he married my Grandma years before I was ever born. He was kind to my Grandma and he was a good man; but a complicated man. He and my Grandma spent their years together enjoying life together which didn’t always include anybody else in that circle which can be hard for children and grandchildren to handle. I spoke to one of my sister’s who is a bit younger than I, and her reply to the news was that, “it didn’t really matter to her because she hadn’t seen him in over 20 years.” Honestly when she did see him he really wasn’t much into Grandfather mode, which didn’t help. I have different memories of him however. I remember sitting on his knee and cuddling up to him, him showing me things of interest, and the not to forget memory of him in a speedo… (Grandfather’s really should never wear speedos.)
There will be no funeral, no graveside service, no gathering, just a cremation. There is no way to say goodbye. I feel conflicted and confused about how to say goodbye and how to grieve. My Grandmother wants the same thing when it’s her turn. I’m not sure I want to respect her wishes in this request. While funerals are about the person who has died, they are for the people left behind. They provide closure. They need closure. I understand not wanting people to go on and on for hours about you. I probably wouldn’t want that either. But have a small graveside service or a small gathering of family and friends to reminisce. Give them a chance to say goodbye. Give them the time to hold you lovingly in their memories and be able to gently let you go.