This past year has been one of the hardest years both because of my anxiety and my son’s disabilities.
I had to go back on medication for my anxiety, all my previous coping skills I had learned weren’t working and neither were the supplements recommended by my naturopath. I have no guilt over being on medication. In my book, they are just part of my bag of tools to pull out and use when I need them. But it was a big setback for me.
I have children with special needs. I have a husband who is in Law Enforcement and in the National Guard. Both of his jobs at various and sometimes frequent intervals have necessitated me being the sole care provider while he is gone. I’ve struggled for years now with an Anxiety Disorder and Chronic Back Pain, which has led to two back surgeries. I have been exhausted. I was feeling like I was drowning and that I would always be in that place and could never have the energy to swim again to save myself.
My sister asked me last year to go on a trip with her. I was determined to go, but extremely worried due to what had been going on with D. We decided to go to Ireland and Scotland a trip I’ve been dreaming of since I was about 5 years old. I decided this was something I had to do for me in spite of everything.
The very first day in Ireland we went to the Cliffs of Moher in Ireland (aka The Cliffs of Insanity if you are a fan of the movie Princess Bride, they also show up in one of the Harry Potter movies). As we got ready to go out on the boat to view the cliffs the sky got dark, the wind started blowing and the rain started falling. I wondered just how crazy this boat ride was going to get. We enjoyed a nice bouncy ride towards the cliffs. Suddenly, the sun came out, and a big beautiful rainbow appeared. As long as I live I don’t think I will ever forget that rainbow. It was as if God was saying to me, “Life can be really hard, awful and crappy, but life can also have truly magical moments like this rainbow and that’s what you need to hold on for.”
Several days later found me in Scotland on the shores of Loch Ness. A small rain shower came and quickly left and another rainbow came in it’s stead. Again, it was if God was saying, “Remember the first rainbow? I promise you will find those magical moments.”